Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
