And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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