I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
