U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
