please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
