her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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