If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
