He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize