I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
