My friends, they love my intelligence
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize