shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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