I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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