yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
