i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
