guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
