Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
