saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
