i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
