I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
