I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize