she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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