i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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