a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize