I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
