I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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