God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
