youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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