It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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