i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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