Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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