Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
