the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
