I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize