I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
