the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
