so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
