Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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