What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
