Barsexuality is the new black.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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