Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
