Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
