its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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