I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I smell stomach acid.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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