He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
