So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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