im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize