Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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