HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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