We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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