btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
