Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
