Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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