Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
try to milk me bitch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
