There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
