its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Two words: blizzard sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
