this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
