Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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