this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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