All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
