Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
