am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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