It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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