4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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