Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
