If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
