I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
