wrigley field is MILF paradise
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
