Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
