i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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