I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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