I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
